The Empathy Paradox

We underestimate how far we’ve come. Yet, we expect other people to be at the same level as us. We become frustrated when others don’t change or progress as quickly as we expect, forgetting everything we’ve had to overcome.

Self-reflection helps with that. Without it, we stagnate or underestimate our progress. Sometimes we feel stuck even when we’ve been doing extremely well. If we don’t give ourselves credit, we’re unlikely to extend credit to anyone else.

Leaders can fall into the same trap: expecting far too much of the people relying on them, without considering each individual and empathizing with their situation.

In the US, “made” leaders are often preferred to those born into it. Maybe because we threw some tea into the harbor once, idk. But these leaders aren’t necessarily kinder. Having succeeded through their own efforts, they might think, “If I did it, why can’t you?”

Shockingly, people born into leadership roles (through nobility, nepotism, etc.) often do recognize their privileged position. They don’t assume others can achieve what they have because they see themselves as inherently special. Ironically, this creates a what some might consider “empathy”—though most here would view it as condescension or pity.

Of course, your background doesn’t guarantee your outcome or level of emotional intelligence. I’ve experienced all types of leaders, and I try to emulate the best parts of each. We can apply this to our own life by understanding the limitations and pitfalls of each perspective and using self-reflection to see where we are hard on ourselves and when we fail others. And, perhaps sadly, we’re never done with this work. It’s a moving target to understand ourselves and other people. We don’t wake up one day and be perfectly empathetic.

So, maybe go a little easier on yourself and those who rely on you. It’s not only Fortune 500 CEOs, we all model behaviors and teach others how to treat us. You don’t want to be that person projecting nonsense you aren’t even aware of onto other people.

I’m curious if you’ve had experience with any leaders like what I talked about above.

Appreciate you, and happy Tuesday!

Lucas